To getting my hands dirty...

I'm having one of those nights where I want to be anywhere but here. I wish I could pinpoint to an exact circumstance, but I can't. It's everything in my life, really. I think I'm slowly going crazy. School is...well, overwhelming. I have an incredible amount of work to do and very little time to get it all done in. That plus the fact that I'm plagued with chronic procrastination means everything will come out jumbled. Then there's work. My jobs are fairly under control. That's not the problem. The problem is there are two of them and that means very little "me-time". And then  there's everything else. Friends sucking the life out of me, brothers frustrating me, boys confusing me, and technology playing tricks on me. It can take a toll on a person. Tonight I'm to the point where I just want to fast-forward to next May and move on to the next phase of my life. Far, far, far away from here. Because I really think Augusta has done all it can for me. And the best of me is lying somewhere out there. I just have to find it. I know I'd be leaving a lot behind. My family, for one. My family is what has held me here for so long. If I wasn't so attached to my mom, I would have left the city limits a long time ago. I don't want them to feel like my exodus has anything to do with them. It doesn't. My breaking out of here is about me and that's it. I feel like I'm constantly having to give pieces of myself away. I have all these people coming to me with their issues and it's sucking the life out of me. I want to do something one-hundred percent for myself, without thinking about what other people would think about it. I know that sounds incredibly selfish, but I really think I deserve one moment of selfishness. Ugh. Who knows. I could feel completely different in a few months. I just don't want to sit still anymore. I feel like I'm stuck in this pit and I'm aching to get out. It's time to step out on blind faith and know that God has this amazing plan for my life. And if I fall flat on my face, so what? Life is about living and learning. You have to make mistakes to find something that works. And, if the Lord allows me to, that's what my plan is to do. To make mistakes, to get my hands dirty, to do what I've been called to do. It's a new year, after all.