Ch-ch-ch-changes

I've been given a major dose of reality this week. It kind of snuck up on me without me even realizing it. A lot of big changes in my life as I know it are coming in the next few months and I'm not sure I'm quite prepared for them. I'm actually having to make adult decisions. Gulp. Today was the hardest of all. I had to let go of a huge part of my life. I've been a nanny to two little girls for the past seven years. Over the years, they've become part of my life, almost like my own children. I can't imagine my life without seeing them. Today was my last official day with them. I cried all the way home. I'm not upset because I quit my job. I don't care about the money. I'm upset because I feel like I'm having to let go of my children. How am I supposed to say good-bye to them? It's not like I won't see them again. I know I will, but it's not the same. Going from seeing someone every single day and knowing every detail of their life to seeing them only a handful of days a month and losing touch really sucks. It makes the process of growing up very real. I had to quit my job in order to graduate next year. I can't go into my Apprenticeship in January holding down two jobs. Since both of them conflict with it, I had to quit both jobs. Which means no money for nearly a year. Which means the next job I apply for will be a full-time teaching job. Which means I won't even recognize the life I have now in a few months. I don't do well with change. Ask anyone who knows me. I barely rearrange furniture in my room because I hate change. I am perfectly content doing the same thing over and over. The funny thing is, I keep saying I want to leave Augusta and do the adult thing on my own, but as it gets closer and closer, I feel my resolve shifting. I would be perfectly happy living in my parents' home, keeping the girls, and continuing my education forever. Being an adult kind of sucks. How did I get here? And how do I make it stop?